Restart.

This is the first writing on this poor blog in a long time. I'm writing to say that.. I will return to writing. I always do that when I lose my job(s). But it helps. Quite therapeutic at times. I've dabbled in tumblr, which is fun to lose all of my waking moments on.

But after the #AZbloggermeetup (and moreso, having to tell girls "oh, I don't blog anymore", and them responding "YOU SHOULD!") I've decided that I needed to resurrect this. I'm still formulating my weekly breakdown so I'll have a schedule + what not. (@vpbaker is going to laugh at me for this one)

(COMPLETELY UNRELATED: I got an iPhone, so now I really have no excuse to not be completely connected to the world 24/7. It should really help me keep on top of this, as well. So call me out on it- hold me accountable!)

Merely a glimpse at a start. So, here goes nothing. 

---

Hi, my name is Sammich.. and I'd like to invite you to read all my word vomit about my life. It's gonna be messy and ugly and not make sense most of the time.. but it'll all be here, which is better than all over my insides. 

xo

12062010b.

went back through my planner.

saw how quickly things dissolved.

saw how quickly one can forget.

saw how quickly a life can change.

saw how quickly you entered.

saw how quickly i accepted.

(before)

saw how instantly you blossomed.

saw how instantly we then grew.

saw how instantly i began to warn.

saw how instantly it was dismissed.

saw how instantly things changed.

(during)

saw how suddenly i recoiled.

saw how suddenly you seized.

saw how suddenly it was over.

saw how suddenly all was lost.

saw how suddenly i could see.

(after)

12062010a.

i'm beginning to understand travel.

your kind of travel.

the travel where you sit by a seat;

looking out. present*, but not.

*only ever slightly present;

only ever partially there.

you only have a bag. you only have that.

but it's not limiting. it's all that you need.

not necessarily all that you want.

you're headed to a destination.

that's what you want. that location. the things there.

the people. the noise. the lights. all the beauty.

i can handle that. i can even begin to understand that.

hell, i wouldn't want you with me (if we were to trade places)

could you understand that, love?

that i don't want you to be in these places.

even though i adore when you fill my spaces.

---

places longing, things desired.

the mount, holding my hand.

scaling the stairs. marveling at the city. loving the clouds.

the coffee shoppe, in my arms.

sipping foam. smiling at rosettas. laughing at lids.

the seat next to me, resting my shoulder.

tired eyes + sighs. watching a movie. longing for home.

---

you'll maybe understand,

one of these days.

i've tried to understand.

maybe one of these days.

10222010

10222010
Originally uploaded by loveyourchaos

yes

mixtape love.

mixtape love.
Originally uploaded by hrrrthrrr

LOVE THIS.

I dont base it on feeling. 'we walk by faith, not by sight'. Im not THAT foolish. Ive been reading the bible a lot, through this hard year and for this blog. Job's a good'un. It's helped me understand that EVERYthing needs to fall apart in order for it to get better. Just sucks that thats kinda how Im being shown by God that Im loved. He loves me enough to rescue me from the ruins of reality though. Which really, is enough.

rip- clementine

so today will go down in infamy as the day that i was told "so, your car is totaled".. outstanding. i'm quite distraught. this is the only car i've ever known. and my dad is happy, cause he doesn't have to deal with all the repairs. merely gets a check in ze mail. but, technically i guess the car isn't legally mine, and with the divorce and all.. i have absolutely no idea what that means for me and my life of putting 3ok+ on a car/year.

seriously. this isn't setting in. i'm the girl that drives the cute yellow car. that's ME. and you, prizm, have ruined that. for that, i hope, that you will pay.

... not vengeful at all. i swear. understand where i'm coming from? please? thanks.

and just return my baby back to me...

xo,

sad sad little me.